Saturday, February 28, 2004
This has been an awful weekend.
I wish when I signed up for parenthood, someone would have gave me a brochure.
My son hates me, and wishes I wasn't his father. That hurts. I guess he says that because I hurt him. Hurt against Hurt in a battle to see who can Hurt the most. It hurts me mostly because I was a good dad this week. My son asked me if he could have Jeremy spend the night on Friday, and Chris on Saturday. I told him, "One night, One friend."
He decided to have Chris spend the night on Saturday.
>>>> fast forward >>>> Friday night >>>> son at volleyball game at middle school >>>> calls dad >>>> says . . . .
"Dad, can I have Jeremy spend the night tonight?"
I said, "No. You already made plans with Chris, and I told you earlier, ONE friend, ONE night, and you'll hurt Chris' feelings if you back out on him now."
He begged and pleaded and said that he would call Chris.
Jeremy spent the night.
>>>> fast forward >>>> Saturday afternoon >>>>
"I hate you. You don't care about me. You're a terrible dad."
It hurts.
I'm selfish because I don't want to have Bree's friends over the whole weekend. Really, I am selfish. Him having friends over takes over the whole house and my whole existence. I'm stuck cleaning up after them, pushed out of my own routines, and relegated to my bedroom so the kids can play. I'm selfish, but I think reasonable. I didn't say NO kids could come over. I said one kid could come over for one night.
My ex-wife agrees with the boy and wonders why I can't just do this for Bree. For her, it's not stressful having kids in her house, she enjoys it, I do not.
You know, I have, in my past, been a bad dad - intractable, distant, grumpy - but this time I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone involved. I have been making a conscious effort to be mindful of Bree and his feelings and trying to find a way to connect with him. I've spent time talking to him, trying to get to know him. He's growing into his own person, and I want to know that person. I've been surprised by him, surprised by his sense of humor, a side of him I had never seen, and surprised by his intelligence and maturity, another side I missed. I thought I was doing alright by him. Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction and we seemed to be on a stable path.
So much for that.
This parenting stuff is awfully difficult. Kids, or at least my kid, don't let you forget your mistakes.
all for today.
I wish when I signed up for parenthood, someone would have gave me a brochure.
My son hates me, and wishes I wasn't his father. That hurts. I guess he says that because I hurt him. Hurt against Hurt in a battle to see who can Hurt the most. It hurts me mostly because I was a good dad this week. My son asked me if he could have Jeremy spend the night on Friday, and Chris on Saturday. I told him, "One night, One friend."
He decided to have Chris spend the night on Saturday.
>>>> fast forward >>>> Friday night >>>> son at volleyball game at middle school >>>> calls dad >>>> says . . . .
"Dad, can I have Jeremy spend the night tonight?"
I said, "No. You already made plans with Chris, and I told you earlier, ONE friend, ONE night, and you'll hurt Chris' feelings if you back out on him now."
He begged and pleaded and said that he would call Chris.
Jeremy spent the night.
>>>> fast forward >>>> Saturday afternoon >>>>
"I hate you. You don't care about me. You're a terrible dad."
It hurts.
I'm selfish because I don't want to have Bree's friends over the whole weekend. Really, I am selfish. Him having friends over takes over the whole house and my whole existence. I'm stuck cleaning up after them, pushed out of my own routines, and relegated to my bedroom so the kids can play. I'm selfish, but I think reasonable. I didn't say NO kids could come over. I said one kid could come over for one night.
My ex-wife agrees with the boy and wonders why I can't just do this for Bree. For her, it's not stressful having kids in her house, she enjoys it, I do not.
You know, I have, in my past, been a bad dad - intractable, distant, grumpy - but this time I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone involved. I have been making a conscious effort to be mindful of Bree and his feelings and trying to find a way to connect with him. I've spent time talking to him, trying to get to know him. He's growing into his own person, and I want to know that person. I've been surprised by him, surprised by his sense of humor, a side of him I had never seen, and surprised by his intelligence and maturity, another side I missed. I thought I was doing alright by him. Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction and we seemed to be on a stable path.
So much for that.
This parenting stuff is awfully difficult. Kids, or at least my kid, don't let you forget your mistakes.
all for today.
